X-Men: First Class

Opening night at midnight!

By Dani Aronson

Guess who is a first class nerd? Me. I have always loved the X-Men series: the comics, the trading cards (true story), the cartoon series and the films. I had very high hopes for this instalment and I am happy to say that the film delivered. James McAvoy and Michael Fassbinder as a young Charles and Erik have awesome chemistry and are super super sexy. I can only begin to imagine the high quality fanfic porn that is going to be developed as a result of this movie. So thank you in advance fellow nerd perverts!

Michael Fassbinder is definitely the stand out of the film. We watch in glee as a young Erik (pre Magneto) hunts down the Nazis that killed his parents in Auschwitz. Does Michael Fassbinder only play hot Jewish Nazi hunters? You know what— my loins thank him, keep it up Fassbinder. On that note… how come none of the men at my temple look like Michael Fassbinder? Zoë Kravitz (also in the film) and Fassbinder are rumored to be fucking— lucky her.

James McAvoy was also great as a slightly smarmy young Charles Xavier. Kevin Bacon is so entertaining as villain Sebastian Shaw. January Jones is so bloody wooden, but is knocked up with a super secret set-fuck baby in real life, so I guess she’s more interesting?! No, she’s still fucking boring… even if the whole cast of X-Men had a gang bang to create that baby— still boring. I also loved Nicholas Hoult as a young Beast / Hank McCoy. Beast has always been one of my favorite X-Men characters, and Hoult made me forget that they had once cast Frasier (BOOOOOOooo!) as the older version of the blue doctor. I have to admit, I sometimes feel kind of dirty when having impure thoughts about Hoult because he’s still the sweater-wearing child in ‘About A Boy’. I guess after Skins, he’s fair game. He’s legal, I checked.

I really love the X-Men films (with the exception of Wolverine which was horrible) because although they are action films, they still have a more developed story than most films of that genre. The X-Men story overall can be an allegory for the otherness of people that are oppressed or forced to hide their true selves because of their race, sexuality, or physical otherness. The Marvel stories have always done a good job of relating their characters to real politics, discriminations and problems within our society. There is even a scene in X-Men: First Class where one of the mutants is ‘outed’ by another. The X-Men series works in historical themes like the Holocaust and relates it to the fear the characters face as mutants. There was one ‘inappropriate’ moment in the film (that everyone in my theatre had a collective vocal negative reaction to) where Kevin Bacon is giving a speech about the mutants avoiding being enslaved again and they pan to the one black character (Darwin)… it was… uncomfortable.

I am so happy the X-Men series was able to redeem itself with First Class! The only thing that would have made my screening experience better would have been finding my very own hot nerd dressed as young Beast that night. Sadly, the hardcore fans were at another theatre. So… um, if anyone wants to send some hot Fassbinder / McAvoy fanfic porn my way, I have a birthday coming up. I give X-Men: First Class 4.5 out of 5 lips!