I’m a Fang Banger…


Features, Television | by — November 18, 2008

Tags: ,

Confessions of a TRUE BLOOD fanatic

By Dani Aronson

Until a month ago I had never seen HBO’s TRUE BLOOD. In my mind it was in a pile with all the other vampire/Twilight/virgin metaphor junk that’s being churned out at top speed. My friends were obsessed, but I told them to shut the fuck up already— I don’t want to hear about another vamp series same as the last. Don’t get me wrong; I love all the vampire stuff Pre-Twilight mania. Bram Stoker, Nosferatu, Interview and Lost Boys are all classics in my book.

What led me to my new love, TRUE BLOOD, was a debaucherous few days spent in Berlin. My friends and I ate fleisch, drank beer, witnessed public sex, danced to German techno and spoke in southern Ozark accents. Joanna said the accents were exactly like the ones used in TRUE BLOOD. So on the plane ride home, I sat sipping champagne and braced myself for the first episode… I was addicted. Like a vamp to virgin blood, after episode one I needed to see them all. It was kitsch, sex, gore, comedy, romance, horror, mystery, sci-fi… what could easily be seen as ridiculous was one of the most entertaining and original things I had seen in so long. Anna Paquin as the telepathic vamp-loving waitress is one of my least favorite in the cast, but she’s still pretty good. Vampire Bill is like Mr. Darcy— but horny and with fangs. Lafayette the gay black cook is AMAZING— and beyond. As much as I am not attracted to blondes, the actor who plays Jason Stackhouse (a HOME & AWAY alum—squeee!) is pure dirty bayou sex on legs. Also, the mysterious Cajun man Renee—- mmmm. Also the Swedish vamp sheriff Erik is SWEEDISH and in a Lady Gaga video. 10 points.

TRUE BLOOD is more than kitschy the way it uses vampires as a metaphor for every kind of outsider that is discriminated against in religious America. The sign in the opening sequence reads ‘GOD HATES FANGS’, and the ‘Vampire Rights Act’ is on the verge of passing—giving vamps basic civil rights. People that fuck vampires are ‘Fang Bangers’ and ‘The Church of the Sun’ wants all the vamps to burn in hell. To top it off, Vampires are routinely pulled over by cops for ‘Driving while Vampire’…call the ACLU! I feel like I could write 20 pages on this show, but I shant. I will leave you with this… if you like the romance of Jane Austen, The gore of Tarantino, Soft Core porn, Southern accents, and SNL’s Goth Talk- you will love TRUE BLOOD. Season 2 starts soon! Let’s go score some V!

Leave a Reply