Dolly good!

By Isla MC

What do you think Dolly Parton looks like at home with her husband (of forty years one might add — impressive)? Does she wear sweatpants? Does she wear that wig every day? What is her hair like underneath? Is she really old and grey? Frankly, I don’t want to know and nor do I care. The Dolly we all know and love is quite enough for me.

Seriously though, is she the greatest woman alive or what? She’s a prolific songwriter of astonishing range, who has produced songs of heart-rending beauty and pert social commentary (well, that’s my opinion of ‘9 to 5’, if no-one elses). She has been nominated for countless Grammys, not to mention an Academy Award. She is an accomplished actress. She has turned down numerous offers to pose for Playboy (although she says she’ll do it on her 100th birthday, ha ha). Best of all though, she played herself in ‘Alvin & the Chipmunks'(!), and is possessed of an arch and self-deprecating sense of humour.

Let’s take a look at some classic quotes from Dolly:

“I never let a rhinestone go unturned.”
“I’m not offended by the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb… and I also know I’m not blonde.”
“I wanted to be the first woman to burn my bra, but it would’ve taken the fire department four days to put it out.”

The girl doesn’t take herself too seriously. We like that.

Now, let’s look at Dolly through the ages:

Sorry to get American on y’all but isn’t she just PRECIOUS?? The cherubic face, the relaxed manner, the aura of fun that wafts around her like sweet-smelling roses on a summer’s day. Wouldn’t you just love for her to meet your folks? But, NEVER underestimate Dolly — she can do sexy with the best of them:

Yowzers. It makes your eyes water a little, dontcha think? She definitely gives Cher (circa ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’) a run for her money. Look at those legs! That dress (that looks like it was stolen from the set of ‘The Flintstones’)! That WIG!! She’s one hot mama but, just like Kylie, she’s unthreatening. She stays on the safe side of sexy, an eternal girl next door. This is the key to her appeal. Men love her cause they want to squeeze her, homos love her cause she’s camp as tits (ha ha) and girls want to be her friend, to absorb some of that sage Dolly wisdom.

See, she may look like a bit of a slapper but her feet have always stayed firmly on the ground. She’s not insecure, not bitchy, doesn’t apologise for herself. She’s honest about who and what she is and has proper confidence in herself. How is it that someone who looks like an ageing Jordan on the outside should be so bright, so wise, so talented on the inside? She’s such a conundrum!

Admittedly, this wasn’t one of her greatest looks.

A little too ‘slutty mother’. A little too ‘Dynasty’. That hair really isn’t working for her and she’s far too skinny. Still she’s back on top these days, with a return to the classic ‘Eighties Dolly’ look. The wigs are once again enormous and she’s DIVINE. It’s a crying shame that we at Loose Lips won’t be attending her forthcoming London show, the first outside of Dollywood in twenty years or something (we’re poor and tickets are crazy money).

Let’s close with some Dolly trivia:

She is the fourth of TWELVE children. She didn’t let middle child syndrome hold her back!
She owns a production company that produced, among many others, ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’ and ‘Sabrina’.
She is inspired by outcasts in society such as prostitutes, whose look inspires her public appearances (hmmm).
The first cloned animal (that sheep) was called ‘Dolly’ in honour of Dolly Parton, because it was cloned from a mammary cell.

LOVE IT!! LOVE HER!!