Popfection!

Dr. Pop! goes to Big Gay Out 2005

Dr Pop’’s latest newsletter comes from Big Gay Out, a big gay outing in London’’s Finsbury Park! After partying away the previous night, the doctor was in quite a state. The decision not to go to sleep and head straight for Big Gay Out was made at approximately 11.47am on Saturday morning, once the horrific realization had set in that one might miss Girls Aloud, and of course Sybil, whose press literature ensured we knew she was the one who sang ‘’The Love I Lost’’. One trick pony anyone?

Celebrity Spotting: Outside Finsbury Park tube station – Glenn from Pop! Unfortunately we couldn’’t decide if he was there with the guy or the girl he was stood with. Getting to Finsbury Park was quite easy. One didn’t have a TomTom but I’’m assuming the Tube driver might have had one. Anyway, the Doctor was absolutely starving, and decided to go to the beigel (yes boys and girls, that’s how it was spelt) shop over the road, and almost broke ones teeth. I’m guessing it had been there for days. And it wasn’’t actually a bagel. It was a poor imitation. But, I digress.

So, after standing in almost three queues to get into the bloody park (yes, that’s right – Dr Pop doesn’’t believe in VIP and doesn’t use his celebrity status to get in anywhere. Why? Because we don’t like Graham Norton and we’’d have poked his eyes out if we were backstage!) we were finally in, and we’’d only stood there an hour!

And god bless the Messiah of Festivals, the bar was CASH!!! Oh, you fantabulous people who decided to do that! Cider was the first choice, only because it was the closest thing to fruit juice for that much needed energy boost. So, after ensuring the posse was all together we went and fannied about for a while. We were desperate to see the Faceparty Terradome, where we were told to be prepared for a sensory overload featuring laser systems and pyrotechnics and music from some of the coolest clubs in London: DTPM, Trade, Fiction, Ruby. So we approached, full of anticipation, and it was great to see that a couple of hours into the festival, someone must have had a huge sensory overload in there already – as they were still building it. Great.

Now, although the weather wasn’’t up to much we were still expecting a full-on pool party from Radio One, but all we found was a miserable inch of water with some anorexic and anaemic looking ‘’bois’’ tarting about in there. This was not a wonderful sight. However, Judge Jules played some storming ‘’choons’’. The promised Beach Island BBQ would probably consist of one of these ‘’bois’’ being spit-roasted later in the evening.

The middle of the day is a bit of a haze. We moved on to Carlsberg, and we ran out of Marlboro Lights so were forced to buy Lucky Silvers. The Popstarz tent played a great remix of Kylie’s ‘’In Your Eyes’’. The Terradome finally opened, it wasn’’t terribly impressive. The XXL Bear Pit was right near the plastic urinals and played almost the same music as the makeshift G-A-Y Bar, who played Steps, Alcazar and some other song we were quite excited about but for the life of us can’’t remember.

The Funky Orange was full of smoke, and was a bit too far away from everything, and when entering we were highly unimpressed with the lack of people in there. However, at one point later on it was far too full and the Doctor couldn’’t find anyone. At this point two potholes decided to trip the doctor over, and a joke was made about visiting the inflatable Chill Out Church to be blessed.

The main stage was where all the action was. The act of the day would have, I’’m sure, been the always wonderful Baby Shambles. Who didn’’t turn up. And as such had the piss taken out of them all day by the comperes. Quite deservedly so, really.
Now, this is the order we seem to remember things in, although one isn’’t entirely convinced and apologies if there are incorrect entries in the order, however descriptions of the acts are wholly accurate and legally binding. Lemar, wasn’’t very impressive to be honest. We only saw a little bit of him and he was quite boring really. And he completely lost us when he did a mahogany-veneered version of ‘‘If There’’s Any Justice’’. We were hoping and praying that Tony Christie would have had Peter Kay up at some point, but then we thought he was supporting Queen, and then we completely forgot until we walked though the Big Mutha Main Stage and heard ‘’Avenues & Alleyways’’. Needless to say we thought he was just jumping on the bandwagon of gayness.

Speaking of which, Marrrrrrgaarrrriiitaaa Pracatan was there on her keyboard. Although this is probably the last year that she won”t have to be wheeled out in a glittering straightjacket. Mad. Unfortunately we missed Sybil, but we did see someone who looked remarkably like her, singing some other song. Gosh, the articulate descriptions on this page will go down in history. Beverley Knight was singing very well, but then she opened her mouth. ‘’We won’’t be beaten, we will stand together, blah, blah, blah, something else..’’ and half a dozen pissed queens at the front screamed and passed out from the effort involved, who were later taken away on stretchers.*

*might not have actually happened.

Now, the following fit into the category of bloody awful:
Killa Kela. Seriously, I nor anyone else have heard so much fucking racket in my life. Shockingly bad. BGO: next year you have got to do better!
Blazin Squad. Didn’t look very impressive from where I was standing.
Electric Six. Despite quite looking forward to them, they were a little bit pants. ”Gay Bar” was not the highlight it should have been.
The comedy moment of the day has to go to one nameless Sunset Stripper, who came onto the stage and actually tried to sing vocals to ‘’Falling Stars’’ whilst the backing track was playing and sounded pissing well horrendous. Needless to say, he stopped after two lines. Genius.

Jenny Frost of Atomic Kitten (yes, the one that can’t sing) has been taking singing lessons apparently, and performed two songs – ‘’Don’’t Fuck With Me’’ which was alright, and the quite good ”Crash Landing”. Good to see she’’s keeping up the dance-pop stylee, and she looked quite good too. Top marks for effort.

Now, Bananarama. Oh, those girls. They came on to the Nana megamix of ‘’I Heard A Rumour’’, followed by new track ‘’Move In My Direction’’ and ‘’Venus’’. This was pure brilliance.

However, there was one act still on the cards for Dr Pop. And at 21.05 they came. Girls Aloud opened with ”The Show” and they couldn’’t even be heard for the screams, mainly from Dr Pop himself. They continued to perform ”Wake Me Up”, ”Love Machine”, ”I’’ll Stand By You” (complete with obligatory a capella chorus bit at the end), and several more, with an encore of ”Jump”.
Then someone I’’ve never heard of came on. It started to rain, the beer had finished and we decided to call it a night. We missed Frankie Goes to Hollywood and the Laser finale, but it was a lovely day, and we saw two of the best girl bands ever plus some god-awful second rate so-called ‘’pop’’ acts. Here’’s hoping for an even better BGO 2006.

And most unfortunately of all, after all day trying, well actually all of five minutes when we first came in and waltzed about the park, we still couldn’’t find The Enchanted Forest of David Hasselhoff. Bugger.
Now, just in case you were wondering, I haven’’t forgotten you my little cherubs, which is why this week I’’m prescribing a Big Gay Out influenced playlist, consisting of Girls Aloud ”Long Hot Summer”, Bananarama ”Move In My Direction”, Frida ”I Know There’s Something Going On”, Natalie Imbruglia ”Counting Down The Days”, and Texas ”Getaway”. Enjoy!