by Joanna Orland
We survived the torrential downpour, the pools of mud and the drunken Scandinavians. Isla yells at me for writing too much about Roskilde each year, so I’m condensing my erratic thought process into Joanna’s Top 20 Roskilde Festival Hits and Misses.
Drum Roll Please…
1. Worst Weather: THURSDAY. It RAINED ALWAYS. Never stopped. We flipped out and took a train back to Copenhagen to stay at Isla’s cousins’ place and dry all of our WET clothes. Other people just totally bailed on the festival. Such a shame that something as uncontrollable as the weather can ruin a festival.
2. Best Visuals: Arcade Fire. Love em. Need to see them at the Barbican or something.
3. Best Bands We Didn’t See: Bjork, Klaxons. Bjork was rained out and Klaxons were on when the Beasties were.
4. Best Live Show: The Sounds (check out our interview with them). They fucking kicked ass and we didn’t even know any of their songs! Gutsy!
5. Grossest Festival Fart: Some guy watching the Beastie Boys. While the Beastie Boys were letting the beat drop, the guy next to us let a bomb drop. NAST!
6. Worst Hairdo: New Young Pony Club and her shiteous mullet. They suck.
7. Best Sex Face: Red Hot Chili Peppers’ John Frusciante – Was he playing his guitar or fucking it?
8. Best Panty Flash: The Sounds. I swear the singer of The Sounds wants to be a man. Often using the mic as a faux cock, kissing her biceps and flashing her brazilian, this girl is androgynous in a sexy manly way. Not my type tho.
9. Worst Ageing Rocker: MCA of the Beastie Men Boys. Grey hair, a hunch and no energy, MCA seemed like a third wheel on stage. I am sad. And what is UP with Mike D!!!!??? When did he become the Beastie frontman? He rocks the block!
10. Best Wardrobe Change: CSS and the singer’s many layers. Guess she’s not fat after all.
11. Most Confusing Outfit: Anthony Kiedis of RHCP dressed as planningtorock.
12. Best Rock Ballad, Instrumental or Duet: The Sounds. Cheesy 80’s rock balladTASTIC!
13. Best Cover Song: Don’t Feel Like Dancing by the Scissor Sisters, as performed by Hayseed Dixie.
14. Best Original Song: Sabotage by the Beastie Boys. I enjoyed the Beastie Boys set, but they coulda cut the jamming and played the hits straight outta the box.
15. Best Props: The Flaming Lips. The dude was in a BUBBLE! Loved their ya ya ya ya ya ya ya ya sing-a-long attempt.
16. Best Old Guys: The Who. Didn’t originally care to see them, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
17. Most Stoned: Red Hot Chili Peppers. Flea was saying the hippiest shit. Anthony was just tired. GET SOME ENERGY and play the frickin hits! Lazy gits.
18. Most Technical Difficulties: Beastie Boys. The sound cut out during one of their mammoth instrumentals. Very embarrassing for Roskilde. Get it together sound guy!
19. Best Suited for Ibiza: Bonde do Role. WTF was that?
20. Best Will Ferrell Impression: RHCP drummer.