From the Kitchen Table


Features | by — April 1, 2006


Part 2

by Gillian Wood

Hello all you Loose Lips worshippers. I think it must have been about this time last year that I wrote to you. Or was it? I do feel that time flies in Queens Park, London. Just last week I realised that this is my third year in London. I’m sure I was meant to leave after a year, I just keep forgetting to. A bit like how you always forget your closest friends’ birthdays (is that just me? I must buy a diary. Oh, no actually, I’ve just seen my diary. I thought I’d bought one. Thing is I write things in it then forget to check it to see when I have to do things. Anyone following this??? I’m lost already!! Must check my diary to see where I’m meant to be. Yeah, ok, I’m meant to be here).

Hmm, lost my train of thought there, I was thinking about going to buy a nice slice of cake or perhaps a flapjack. Something tasty but not overly sweet. I’m suffering from a lack of sleep today. I need sugar or maybe just a nice cup of Earl Grey. I was playing again last night. I think I’m a pop star, honestly I am. See, that Dr Pop, he has no idea of the stresses of being a much in demand, high maintenance, cello-playing maverick. Last night I almost gave myself whiplash from all the air kissing. “Gorgeous, gorgeous dahling. Loved the playing, loved the music, LOVE that dress. Vintage, fabulous”. All true. Even Teddy Thompson (man with guitar and songs) was doing it. He has the most fascinating hair. I couldn’t keep my eyes off it. I know I was meant to be listening to his music, then listening to him talking to me, but the hair!!!! It’s kind of strawberry blonde, sort of curly but verging on being an afro. Albeit a slightly deflated one. Really odd. Please don’t take my word for it though! Go check it out yourselves, he’s playing with Martha (I can’t stand up straight) Wainwright at the moment.

Back to me now. So, I’ve been playing a lot of late and it has got me thinking. What are you supposed to do with yourself whilst sitting on stage? You think it’s easy don’t you? You see, if you’re the singer you just stand up close to the microphone and pour your heart out to the audience. Or jiggle your guitar about and do a bit of dancing. Or just sit back in your chair and sing. But me, I have no idea what to do. I’ve tried the classical cellist thing. Walk on, bow, sit, play, don’t smile until set is finished, stand, quick smile, bow, leave stage. I’ve tried the pleasedon’tlookatmeonlyfocusonthesingerasIamnotworthy technique. I’ve even tried the BLOODY WELL LOOK AT ME I’M GREAT technique (I tried that last night but I started to feel like an extra from Zoolander). So, anyone got any advice? I’m open to all suggestions, within reason. I would give out my mobile number at this point but I have a bit of track record for attracting ‘interesting’ people so perhaps in this case I won’t. Just pass the advice on to your friends or something and I guess eventually It’ll get back to me. Good grief, I’ve just heard Will Young’s new single. I’ve also seen the video. Hilarious. Men with big moustaches in the RAF. There’s a word for that…umm….camp! So, so camp!!!).

Well, thank you for listening. You’ve all been so attentive. Hope you liked the set. Sorry, no, this is not a gig is it?? Shit, no it really isn’t a gig. How embarrassing. Sorry about that. What I meant to say was thank you all for taking the time to read this. I really do mean that. It’s just that I spend so much time playing for other people that I have begun to feel that I am losing my identity. I mean, who am I? Who is the real me? Who is Gillian Wood?

Editor’s Note: How funny. I watched Ms Gillian Wood play, last night, the gig which she is referring to, and I distinctly remember looking at her and thinking “How does she manage to look so cool and sophis up there when it’s not her turn to play and she’s not doing anything? Doesn’t she feel like a lemon?” I couple of times I saw her eyes meander over the audience and wondered “What is she thinking about?” So it’s a good question. How does an accompanying cellist entertain herself in the lulls between playing? What is the correct on-stage etiquette when not doing anything? I too would like to know the answers to these questions if any of you Loose Lippers care to offer any!

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