The Ramblings of James

by James Powell

Editor’s Note: In order for James’ ramblings to have full impact they must be read in a strong Welsh accent.

So, I was watching a programme last week on the National Geographic channel, about Sardines. These Sardines were South African and were trying to swim from Cape Town to Durban (for their holidays I presume). But they kept getting eaten on the way by sharks, dolphins, seals (not the Navy kind) and even seagulls.

Every time they were attacked they would form a large sphere shape as protection. But this just helped the predators as there was a bigger mass to attack. I think a little common sense is needed here on the Sardines’ part. I’m told by the man with the beard that this happens every time they go away on vacation. Don’t you think at least one Sardine would go ‘Hang on, this ain’t right. Why don’t we all swim in a long line, single file, and then when they all attack we’ll have more chance of surviving?’ It’s just simple common sense, with a touch of science.

With sharks and dolphins after them, not to mention seals (I think the seals are really taking the piss here, because they are also wanted by the sharks), who would want to be a Sardine? Even the seagulls can dive six metres (FACT) to get to them! I think, forget bomb disposal squad or fireman, being a Sardine must be the most dangerous job in the world. Even toast is after them!

Next month — How To Keep Your Feet Warm In The Shower On A Cold Day