Features, Music | by — June 11, 2005


This Week’s Diagnosis: Never Eat Candyfloss…Without A Stick

by Dr. Pop

Dr Pop is yet again in mourning. Last month we saw not one, but two pop acts given the knife (I say given the knife, but really we all know that they were in fact hacked up with a meat cleaver and stuck in a blender on the ‘through an
eye of a needle’ setting!). Yes, dear Popettes, two of the pop battalion front were lost. First, the lovely V, who Dr Pop had a bit of a thing for, and all those who know of the ‘slash’ fan fiction should get writing and send some in. But we also lost our dearly beloved pop crusaders, Pop! Yes, I hear you saying — but what about Xanadu? What will happen to Xanadu? Well, it’s likely, along with the rest of the album, never to see the light of day — unless of course you contact the highest order of pop and see what he prescribes (hint, hint…).

Now, it’s debatable about this one — were Pop! dropped or, as rumour has it, did they go like Scooch and Deuce before them and the lead singer said ‘Bugger this, I’m off to get up the duff’? But interestingly enough, if you’d like to see the seriously glaring Glenn again, he will be one of Kylie’s dancers on her ‘Showgirl’ tour. Now, moving on nicely to Kylie…bless her kitten heels, but really, we want pop Kylie, not vampy ‘I’m the size of a traffic light really and I’m going to do a silly dance in front of a random car for half of my new video’ Kylie. Because we should all be fearful of losing our Princess to the fate of music. She might just walk down the wrong street one two many times and get smacked in the face by a fish or a bass. Think about it logically.

Now, some of you might be wondering — what is Dr Pop talking about, his superb wit and charm seem somewhat mysteriously coded. Well, this is true. We received a memo here at Pop HQ many moons ago (it is a well-known fact in Pop circles that we are the new underground. Oh yes, we haven’t got a railroad yet but our Pete Waterman is well on his way to getting there — he owns several so it won’t be difficult). Myself and a crack coding team are still trying to work out what some of the words in this memo actually mean (it’s a
bit like talking to a pissed Frenchman). But we’re nearly there, so look out for the Pop Underground Dictionary Thing (or.. PUdDing) the next time you’re here and you will be mightily amazed the next time someone uses the word Candyfloss out of context.

But, something big is happening in the world of Pop, and if you haven’t heard then, well, you’re a traitor and must be shot. But if any of you want to repent your Popsins (someone find out if this is trademarked!!) then you must listen to PWL Radio. I won’t go into its utter brilliance here (or how you can listen to Bananarama, followed by Steps, Mel & Kim, Sunset Strippers, Pop! and A*Teens in one single play) so if you’re interested in saving our sanity in this world of non-Pop, then go, listen and spread the word.

Doctor Pop’s final thought goes to Javine, and it goes like this: ‘Yay! Hooray for your tit popping out!’ But we also have to say to Geri ‘get a bloody buggery move on with that recording’.

Before it’s over and out, I’m prescribing the following songs, just to make your world look a little bit rosier:
Girls Aloud — Graffiti My Soul; Pop! — Xanadu; Bodies Without Organs — Conquering America; Spray — Run With Us; Rachel Stevens — Negotiate With Love; Javine — Touch My Fire; Melanie C — Beautiful Intentions; The Cut Up Boys — Everybody Get Up Stand Up; Taffy — I Love My Radio.
If you still haven’t got your pop fix then do go along to www.pwlradio.com and all will be resolved.

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